Writing a dissertation sucks...

Top ways to know that you're writing a dissertation:

1. You haven't seen a clean dish in your house in about two weeks. And, you're not afraid of germs, bacteria, or the crusty remains of Fruit Loops that stick to your cereal bowls. Just pretend it's fiber and move on.
2. For that matter, you're not sure if you're underwear's all that clean, either. (Sorry, mom.)
3. You've broken down into tears on a Tuesday afternoon after reading some "brilliant" blog from some "brilliant" scholar on some "brilliant" dissertation. (I mean, crap, I have yet to use words like epistemology, ontology, pedagogy, and heuristic once in my dissertation. I must be breaking some sort of Rhetoric-club rule, right?!?)
4. You've taken your laptop to the dentist twice this semester. (Seriously.)
5. You have a running tab at the library because of those damn Interlibrary Loan Books. Can you really read a book in just 4 days?!? (I could've bought a new coat on what I've given to the library in the past 6 weeks.)
6. You've started to pee coffee. (Again, I'm sharing waaaay too much information.)
7. Every example you can come up with in class starts with: "Well, for example, in my dissertation, I am discussing..."
8. Your neighbor asks if you've actually read all those books on your bookshelf. "Yes, and the 300 more that are upstairs in the closet."
9. You have a monthly allowance of $50 at Amazon to buy books for your dissertation.
10. Your dissertation is starting to feel like some sleazy, adulterous affair. You think about it at home, at work, at the movies with your significant other. When you're lying in bed with your significant other, you're thinking about the work you need to do on your dissertation. When you are working on it, you feel guilty. When you're not working on it, you feel guilty. When you want to take a break from it, you feel guilty. (I feel like a dirty, dirty whore.)
11. In your dreams, you're working on your dissertation. (Did I mention it's like an adulterous affair?)
12. You wonder if it's too late to just walk away from all this? And, then you remember that you've just invested $50,000 in this degree. Suck it up. Start writing.
13. You start thinking about who will go on your "Acknowledgment" page in the shower. And, you imagine it sounding more like an Oscar acceptance speech than anything else.
14. You burst into tears at... well, you just burst into tears. (Do I really need a reason?)
    
15. You realize that writing a dissertation isn't that much fun. It kinda sucks. And, you wish you were done.

Now, stop stalling with silly little lists and write the damn thing. --ROCHELLE